Creative+Writing

By the water’s edge is where she would enter her profound trance of thought about that night. That night that would forever haunt her existence as long as she lived while he did not. Everyone that knew her knew it was prominent her soul was not at rest as much as she feigned it to be. The guilt had been with her since that day when it all took place, she still remembered the lights shining all about, the car, the water, and the hand that saved her life that night. She was reluctant to take his hand, she was scared to take his hand, she didn’t know what to do, but she did. She took his hand and was brought up and out of the water into the shining lights of the night. If she had known taking his hand would in fact commence the life she now had, she would have rather drowned. She was taken ashore by the policemen there and was immediately cared for by medical help, but he wasn’t. He was stuck in the water, gone forever, taking with him her vitality.

She quickly blinked and returned to reality, reality that only took her so far away from the vehement memories of that night. The memories that made it feel like she was drowning in the past. This whole roadway reminded her of it, the juxtaposed lake and road, the gap in the weak excuse of a railing, everything. She hated being here, but for some reason came often. She felt him there, she felt him everywhere, but especially there, as if he were walking on the water staring back at her curious gaze. This was only a splendor abstraction in her mind she had thought when she first came back to the scene, but it wasn’t, it was true. He was there. She slunked away from the water’s edge and headed back to her car, she had had enough. As she got in and looked back at the water she felt a tear roll down her cheek, it was her fault he was dead, and it made her feel like half her soul was fading away into nothingness . They were driving on the road, it was late and they were headed home. They were together, like they were meant to be, and happy. As they drove on, the lake by the road side elongated and grew closer to the road. And then it happened, the truck, who’s driver was distraught came around the corner, the headlights flew into their eyesight and blinded them. He tactlessly swerved out of the way of the oncoming truck, not realizing how close the water had crept up and broke through the weak railing and into the lake. The car permeated with water as it sunk deeper and deeper into the lake. What transpired next was a blur of water and blackness, then she saw his hand and the light. She awoke from the ineffable dream with a startle. She had had this dream before and it seemed to be occurring more often as time went on. She could tell she would be vigil after that dream and got out of bed. She tentatively walked into her apartment’s living room as if she didn’t know the place as well as she actually did. The clock glowed 2:57 A.M., it was only a few hours past midnight and she knew it would be a long night ahead.

The radiant sun came out around 7:14 A.M. causing oppressive light to be shone into her dark burning eyes. She had stayed awake all night and sat on her couch thinking, just thinking. She looked at the light and reached out her hand and then put her hand down again. She thought that grabbing the light would bring some kind of ravenous joy to once again enter her life, but it wouldn’t, as much as she tried, it wouldn’t.

The car’s clock said 12:43 A.M. when she arrived at the office. She had worked for a big business company as a secretary before the crash but ever since then she had been more and more unpunctual with her job. Her boss was very unscrupulous and she hated him due to that. He gave no condolence when the crash happened and only made things worse. She would sit through the whole work day as if she were a robot. She would sit there, be the good secretary she had to and answer calls, be helpful to people who asked, but did not go out of her way to ingratiate new customers or her boss, she did not care about what anyone thought anymore. Her brain was on standby most of the time and her mind wondered free incessantly in another realm, a realm where she was happy, where life was good, not reality. A realm where she was beside him, she would give up anything for that.

After work she had to rush over to her therapy appointment. She had been taking therapy ever since that night happened, thinking it would help her with her depression, obviously it didn’t. Her therapist didn’t help her at all, she would tell her stuff like, “Just remember him, don’t let your suffering be all in vain. He’s still here with you.” She knew what the therapist said was true, but she couldn't help it, it was her fault he had died that night, and she couldn’t do anything to change that fact. It was a burden to her soul and would live with her forever and no amount of therapy would help her through that.

By the time she got home it was late and she removed the coverlet from her bed and lay there. Another day over, that’s all the days were to her, just time passing by, nothing more. She did not live an actual life, she went through it, her mind never actual focusing on anything that was in front of her, and she gave up on even trying because she knew it would never work, she could never live a life again. He observed her and knew this all. He knew it was time to release her from this life, so this time when she reached out her hand, it reached all the way to heaven.

Based off the song “Ministry Of Lost Souls” by Dream Theater